Two kids' almost-kiss lands them on the principal's bench
A boy and girl sneak behind the school to kiss, get caught by a teacher, and are sent to wait for the principal beside a grumpy stranger.
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S7E13 · Two Stories
20 moments · 31 min of essential viewing in a 44-minute episode. Netflix link pending: it appears once someone opens this episode with the extension.
Moments, in order
House's dorm-search tale with a gunshot, and kids who call it
House tells fifth graders he shot up a dorm room to make a student hack a laptop; they spot the Pulp Fiction rip-off at once.
Not yet linked on NetflixHouse reads the two kids on the bench
House deduces from a days-old black eye that the girl is ashamed, and the kids strike a deal to trade stories.
Not yet linked on NetflixHouse's idea of a routine physical, for fifth graders
Asked to describe a normal checkup, House recounts a clinic visit with a mother of six that horrifies the teacher.
Not yet linked on NetflixCuddy explodes at House over lunch
House shows up late angling for sex; Cuddy calls him the most selfish man on the planet and says she is done.
Not yet linked on NetflixHouse goads the girl into proving she's not a tease
The kids admit they got busted, and House needles the girl until she tells the story of her brutal brush-off.
Not yet linked on NetflixHouse's team tale turns into A Few Good Men
House's version of his team is a harassment parade, and a student catches the movie quote he slips in.
Not yet linked on NetflixThe patient really does cough up his lung
The tale turns true: a college student's oxygen crashes and he coughs up dead lung tissue in front of the team.
Not yet linked on NetflixHow House really stole Cuddy's laptop: a fake gas leak
After the kids reject two movie-heist versions, House admits he stank up a waiting room to clear Cuddy's office, and caused mass hysteria.
Not yet linked on NetflixHouse wants Cuddy's journal, not her reasons
Colleen keeps asking why Cuddy is mad; House insists he was just himself, and brushes off a new case to hunt her password.
Not yet linked on NetflixZack won a kiss on a bet
Zack defends the girl House mocks, and his flashback shows he won a kiss on a bet, which he says let her save face.
Not yet linked on NetflixThe kids corner House: why is she mad?
Colleen calls out House's dodging, and he finally replays the morning: Cuddy asked him to take out the garbage.
Not yet linked on NetflixThe toothbrush fight, and how Colleen got the black eye
House's toothbrush habit sums up why Cuddy's angry; then the kids reveal Zack gave Colleen the black eye with a slapshot.
Not yet linked on NetflixThe real Dr. Hourani shows up, and House is exposed
Another career day guest is the real Dr. Hourani, and the class demands to know who House is.
Not yet linked on NetflixCuddy: 'You need me, but you don't care about me'
The laptop reveals what House wouldn't say: Cuddy asked for time alone because he only cares about being right.
Not yet linked on NetflixHouse's plan: get Rachel into the kids' school
Cuddy's journal named her real first-choice preschool; House cuts a deal with a school-board CEO to get Rachel in.
Not yet linked on NetflixFender bender, fake name, and a career-day brawl
House crashed into someone and gave Hourani's name; the real Hourani demands his ID and the classroom erupts.
Not yet linked on NetflixZack comes clean to Colleen
Zack admits he rigged the bet and says he wants no more games; Colleen tells House he's not always a jerk.
Not yet linked on NetflixHouse pleads with the principal for Rachel
House admits he only thinks of himself and asks the principal to admit Cuddy's daughter, and is told to grow up.
Not yet linked on NetflixHouse apologizes to Cuddy for real
House admits the career-day stunt and the stolen laptop, says he was wrong, and asks for a chance; Cuddy invites him to dinner.
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